Elliot Page Has Shared His ‘Biggest Joy’ Since Coming Out As Transgender

Juno earned Elliot Page an Oscar nomination, but it wasn’t an all-together fun experience for the actor. “When Juno was at the height of its popularity, during awards-season time, I was closeted, dressed in heels, and the whole look — I wasn’t okay, and I didn’t know how to talk about that with anyone,” he wrote in a cover story for Esquire.

Page can’t single out a “worst day” before his “life-saving” transition, but “when Juno was blowing up — this sounds strange to people, and I get that people don’t understand. ‘Oh, f*ck you, you’re famous, and you have money, and you had to wear a dress, boo-hoo.’ I don’t not understand that reaction. But that’s mixed with: I wish people would understand that that sh*t literally did almost kill me.” He continued:

“So I said I wanted to wear a suit, and Fox Searchlight was basically like, ‘No, you need to wear a dress.’ And they took me in a big rush to one of those fancy stores on Bloor Street. They had me wear a dress, and… that was that. And then all the Juno press, all the photo shoots — Michael Cera was in slacks and sneakers. I look back at the photos, and I’m like…”

Page also shared his “biggest joy” since coming out. “What have I learned from transitioning I can’t overstate the biggest joy, which is really seeing yourself,” he said. “I know I look different to others, but to me I’m just starting to look like myself. It’s indescribable, because I’m just like, there I am. And thank God. Here I am. So the greatest joy is just being able to feel present, literally, just to be present.”

Page will soon appear in The Umbrella Academy season 3, which premieres on June 22.