It Sounds Like The Oscars Are Going To Pretend That The Slap Never Happened

Remember when Will Smith slapped Chris Rock at the Oscars and then won Best Actor like an hour later That was weird! It also never happened.

That’s how the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences would prefer it, at least.

When asked about The Slap while speaking with the press this week, newly-appointed Academy CEO Bill Kramer said, “We want to move forward, to have an Oscars that celebrates cinema.” What does that entail “We want to return to a show that has reverence for film and 95 years of the Oscars,” he explained. “It’s a moment to really reflect on our membership, all craft areas, our changing industry, [and] our fans… There are ways to do that, that are entertaining and authentic, and that are tied to our mission to honor excellence in moviemaking. I don’t think that’s mutually exclusive.”

Here’s another way to “honor excellence in moviemaking”: turn the Oscars into the mid-2000s MTV Movie Awards. Replace Best Director with Best Action Sequence; swap Best Screenplay for Best Kiss; and get rid of Best Picture… actually, Best Picture can stay, as long as Jackass Forever wins. There, I fixed the Oscars. That wasn’t hard, now was it