The Gwyneth Paltrow Ski Trial Somehow Got Even Weirder Thanks To One Of Her Accuser’s Witnesses Blowing Up His Own Story

There are a lot of things that you could be focusing on this week (baseball, Succession, the announcement regarding the immersive Paddington Bear experience, etc) so it’s okay if you are not really sure what going on over there in Utah at Gwyneth Paltrow’s bizarre ski trial. Honestly, it’s okay if you don’t ever know what’s going on with her, she doesn’t seem to know either, but it works for her.

Here is a quick rundown of said case: in 2016, Paltrow was involved in a ski collusion with retired optometrist Terry Sanderson (you would think an optometrist would be able to see fellow skiers coming but maybe that’s why he’s retired). Sanderson says he was left with a traumatic brain injury, broken ribs, and trauma. Sanderson sued Paltrow, who is countersuing for $1, a move Taylor Swift made famous at her 2017 trial.

Now, thanks to science and all that jazz, a witness to the event insists that there was no way Paltrow hit Sanderson the way he claims. Dr. Richard Boehme, a neurologist who is Sanderson’s witness (!), spoke via Zoom: “The skier that hit him from behind would have to be going in excess of 50 or 60 miles an hour, which I think is highly unlikely unless we’re dealing with an Olympic downhill skier.” This begs the question: is Academy Award-winning actress and former Glee guest star Gwyneth Paltrow an Olympic-level skier No, but it was nice to pose the question either way.

It seems like Paltrow’s trial will be wrapping up shortly, but not before various witnesses went on the stand and brought up everything from QAnon to stick figure art. Should more celebrities involve themselves in low-stakes trials Yes! Bring on the mild inconvenience of a traffic violation or a petty neighborhood argument. We want modest court outfits and sketchy witnesses! This is what the judicial system is for!