This Week On CBS’s ‘Zoo’: They Threw A Car Into A Volcano!

Huge week on Zoo. Massive. So many things happened. Jamie, the team’s world famous billionaire author and Batman-like vigilante, is in custody for the murder of a shady chemical company CEO who has taken America’s children hostage and is using them for science. Jackson and his ex-girlfriend went to Mexico and found a witch and a human-like hybrid beast that can speak English and is locked in a trailer. A mysterious group known only as “the gentlemen” has been assembled to bid on the fetus that lives inside a kidnapped woman’s womb and could hold the secret to reversing the worldwide sterility epidemic that threatens mankind. And if you want to come hang out and talk about it all, feel free. Right now, we have something more important to discuss.

Specifically, this.

Let me be clear about something: I am very much in favor of throwing things into volcanoes. I love it. I want to do it so bad. I wish I could do it all the time. Like, even just for regular trash. I want to finish a Dunkin Donuts coffee and the heave the empty cup into the gaping mouth of a bubbling volcano. That’s what I’m about.

So, even devoid of context, I’m on board with this plan. But let’s add in context, just for fun. As you may or may not recall, at the end of last week’s episode, Jackson — Bob Benson from Mad Men — fired a crossbow at the drone carrying the beacon, because the beacon attracts the hybrid flying hellbirds that were terrorizing New York City, and the drone was losing power, so he and the team decided to harpoon it and tow it away from the city behind their multimillion-dollar tablet-controlled science plane.

That’s why they’re throwing it in the Mexican volcano. Because if they can toss the beacon in there, the hellbirds will follow it beak-first into the damn lava and essentially commit mass suicide via molten rock. But there’s a problem. The drone isn’t heavy enough. They need more weight to make sure the beacon will get into the volcano.

Luckily, the plane also has a loading dock with cars parked in it and yuuuup we are doing this, people. Bob Benson from Mad Men and his team of heroes are putting that beacon in the trunk of a car and pushing that car out of a plane and into the volcano. That is what is happening here.

My favorite part about this I mean, besides the “throwing a freaking car into a volcano to save New York City from bloodthirsty winged dinobeasts” thing Just last week, after Clementine — the kidnapped pregnant woman, which is a much bigger deal plot-wise than this volcano thing, but I am a child, so whatever — revealed herself to be a gearhead who rides motorcycles and wrenches on classic cars to relieve stress, I said “this show is slowly turning into a Fast & Furious movie where screeching hellbirds terrorize the skies.” Well, now cars are flying out of the back of airplanes, just like in Furious 7. The only difference is that the cars in Furious 7 parachuted safely to the ground while the car in this episode of Zoo, as we’ve discussed, went straight into a volcano. I’m really starting to think they are making this show just for me. Like, I honestly think someone in the writers’ room said “I bet Brian would like it if we pushed a car into a volcano. Let’s do that.” People of Zoo, if you are reading this, thank you. It means the world to me.

Anyway, wheeeeeee.

Two notes in closing:

Greatest show on television. No contest.