Few things on television, or in the world, are better than Andre Braugher saying words. Any words really, because he has the best voice, but especially extremely ordinary or silly ones. Brooklyn Nine-Nine does this all the time, which is probably just a blast for the writers. His voice is so deep and formal and authoritative that it bends your brain a little. One time on the show he said “hula hoop.” I’m still not over it. All of which is to say, here are some words and phrases I think it would be fun to hear him say. Please read them in your head in his voice. It will help.
“Doritos Locos taco”
“Bud Light Lime-A-Rita”
“One hundred thousand cantaloupes”
“Luxurious condominiums”
“The Calabasas Strangler”
“Outrageous boondoggle”
“Unsanctioned horseplay”
“Prepubescent hijinks”
“Spring break forever”
“Hightail it to Daytona”
“Peel rubber, motherf*cker!”
This tweet from sex therapist Dr. Ruth
— Dr. Ruth Westheimer (@AskDrRuth) September 29, 2014
“Welcome to my space dungeon, Rex Howitzer. I’m sure you’ll find it… cozy”
“My name is Dr. Victor Galapagos”
“You see, we’re not so different, you and I”
[A theatrical evil laugh]
Okay, technically the last four are just lines of dialogue from my unfinished screenplay, The Rex Howitzer Chronicles: Lunar Fiasco
“Lunar fiasco”
“The honeybees have commandeered the Miata”
“Sacramento”
“Acetaminophen”
“Scrumptious paella”
“Antique credenza’
Various lines of dialogue spoken by Pete Campbell on Mad Men, including but not limited to “I know your debutante maneuvers” and “The king ordered it!”
The lyrics to “Party in the USA” by Miley Cyrus, read as a spoken word poem
The lyrics to “Miami” by Will Smith, read as a spoken word poem
Really the lyrics to any pop song read as a spoken word poem
“Well said, Keanu”
“Velvet thunder”
Wait, no, that’s a real one
Still
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