The Rundown: Just Put Ryan Gosling In The Movie (Any Movie)

The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.

HEY

HEY

ARE YOU MAKING A MOVIE

OR EVEN JUST THINKING ABOUT MAKING A MOVIE

THAT’S COOL

YOU SHOULD PUT RYAN GOSLING IN IT

YOU SAW BARBIE

YOU SAW HOW GOOD HE WAS

WITH THE LITTLE FACES HE MAKES

REMEMBER WHEN HE SANG THE SONG

THIS ONE

THAT WAS SO GOOD

IT FREAKING MADE THE BILLBOARD CHART

COME ON

IT’S KIND OF FRUSTRATING

YOU SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO BE THAT GOOD-LOOKING AND ALSO FUNNY AND CHARMING

LET THE NORMAL PEOPLE HAVE ONE THING, RYAN GOSLING

GEEZ

BUT STILL

HE’S JUST SO GOOD

REMEMBER THE NICE GUYS

REMEMBER THE THING WHERE HE SAID “I HAD TO QUESTION THE MERMAIDS”

THIS THING

UGGGHHH

IT’S SO GOOD

I SHOULD BE MAD

I SHOULD HATE HIM A LITTLE BIT

HE HAS TOO MANY THINGS

I CAN’T DO IT, THOUGH

HE’S TOO LIKABLE

HE’S SO GOOD

PUT RYAN GOSLING IN THE MOVIE

YOUR MOVIE

THE ONE WE TALKED ABOUT EARLIER

HE’LL PROBABLY DO GREAT

EVERYONE WILL LOVE IT

HE’LL DO A GOOD JOB

HEY

REMEMBER THAT TIME HE AND HARRISON FORD WERE DOING ONE OF THOSE SOUL-SUCKING PRESS JUNKETS AND GOT THE GIGGLES

THIS ONE

UGGGHHHHHH

EVEN HARRISON FORD LOVES THAT GUY

AND HE’S USUALLY A LITTLE CRANKY

YOU NEED THIS ENERGY

FOR YOUR MOVIE

TRUST ME ON THIS

PUT RYAN GOSLING IN THE MOVIE

IT’LL BE GREAT

THANK YOU

YOU ARE WELCOME

Paul Reubens passed away this week after a private battle with cancer. That’s a bummer. He will forever be remembered for playing Pee-Wee Herman, which, as far as legacies go, isn’t too shabby. Go back and watch the movie sometime. Watch some episodes of the show. Or just go to YouTube and type in “pee-wee herman” like I did this week and get lost watching clips for an hour or two. The one up there is him being a goofball with Letterman. It’s a pretty good place to start.

The loving tributes came in fast after his death was announced, which, as far as legacies go, ain’t too shabby, either. It seemed like everyone who ever met him had a nice thing to say about him. It’s a pretty good sign of a life well-lived when there’s that kind of outpouring in your honor. It’s also a good sign of a life well-lived when The Muppets pay tribute to you. That happened, too.

Something jumped out at me when I saw that, though. Maybe it jumped out at you, too. The thing about him being named an honorary Muppet. It sent me down a crazy Google tailspin where I learned some truly fascinating information. Information, for example, like this…

In 1986, Muppet Magazine published the first and only Honorary Muppet Awards. The honorees were awarded a special “Kermie” and photographed for the magazine.

… which led me to the Muppet dot Fandom dot com site for Muppet Magazine, which itself led me to the recipients of the aforementioned “Kermie” award for honorary Muppets.

“1986 Honorary Muppet Awards”: The Muppets award Robin Williams, Dolly Parton, Pee-Wee Herman the Honorary Muppet Award

This is… it’s incredible, right The only three humans to ever be officially named Honorary Muppets were Robin Williams, Dolly Parton, and Pee-Wee Herman. There have been 18 EGOT winners to date. The Kermie Award club is SIX TIMES more exclusive than that, and all of its winners are straight-up icons. It also means Dolly Parton is the last surviving member. We must do whatever is necessary to protect her. We should have been doing that anyway. But now we should, like, super protect her. There is a rich cultural tradition at stake.

Hey, remember earlier when I said “everyone who ever met him had a nice thing to say about him” It’s okay if you forgot. I have thrown a lot at you since then. But I did say it. And I meant it. Which brings me to this

— David Hasselhoff (@DavidHasselhoff) July 31, 2023

Here’s what I need you to do…

Picture it’s like 1987. Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure came out two years ago and cemented Reubens as a recognizable figure in American pop culture. Knight Rider just ended its four-season run on television, doing the same for David Hasselhoff. You’re on vacation in Los Angeles and driving your rental car through Beverly Hills. You’re looking around and seeing the sights and you glance over at the outdoor seating section of a fancy restaurant and, right there on the sidewalk, in front of God and Merv Griffin and everyone, you see David Hasselhoff and Pee-Wee Herman sitting at a table eating lunch and laughing it up like old friends.

How far do you make it down the street before you crash into a parked car

I’ll go as high as 500 feet.

What an incredible life. Rest in peace.

BAD NEWS: Wrexham soccer player Paul Mullin has a punctured lung, which ranks pretty low on the list of injuries I would ever want to have.

GOOD NEWS: His recovery plan sounds cool.

Wrexham striker Paul Mullin will recover from injury at the home of Rob McElhenney before leaving the United States.

The context here is that McElhenney, in addition to creating and starring in both Always Sunny and Mythic Quest, also co-owns this soccer team with Ryan Reynolds, although it’s probably even funnier without the context. But anyway…

In an interview with S4C, McElhenney said: “This Paul thing is devastating to the club but, again, it’s a contact sport and these things happen.

“He’s OK. I just texted with him this morning. He’s in San Diego and he’s going to come over and stay with us for a couple of weeks until he can leave and head back to Wales.”

Two things worth noting here:

I have this image in my head of him carrying a tray with a lovely breakfast spread on it up the stairs and knocking on the door like room service.