Shut It All Down: People Are Thirsting After ‘Venom’ Now

The newest trailer for Venom dropped on Tuesday, and — unlike the previous trailer — this one showed Venom. Some of the reactions his appearance garnered were downright funny:

— Elizabeth Banks (@ElizabethBanks) April 24, 2018

In my version of the movie, he would be.

— Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) April 24, 2018

HIDDEN THINGS YOU MISSED IN THE NEW VENOM TRAILER:

* A chance at love passed you by

* You briefly knew what you should do, your real purpose, but it faded like a dream

* Those closest to you will one day die and you’ll feel nothing but loss

* Venom has cool teeth

— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) April 25, 2018

Topical references only. That’s my credo pic.twitter.com/bcrYf9YZl0

— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) April 24, 2018

friends: you're coming right. you're not going to wait until 10 minutes before and text everyone that you can't make it

me: pic.twitter.com/VlJ0byyaG1

— the hippo account (@InternetHippo) April 24, 2018

pic.twitter.com/HoBJbHg4Ds

— Cullen Crawford (@HelloCullen) April 24, 2018

On the other hand, a dark but substantial part of the internet took one look at Venom’s gaping toothy maw and slimy tongue and said, “Yo, what that mouth do”

— Marlene! (@ilikecomicstoo) April 24, 2018

The only good thing about the "Venom" trailer is how Tumblr is reacting to it pic.twitter.com/kX6Ju8iSOz

— Ryan Broderick (@broderick) April 24, 2018

The thirst is real. As Polygon and The Mary Sue point out, teratophilia (an attraction to monsters, deformed people, or monstrous people) is not a new phenomenon. Four years ago, we wrote about Virginia Wade, an author of “cryptozoological erotica” who was nailing down $30,000 per month in Amazon sales. Speaking of nailing (nailed that segue), we’re only scratching the surface of how much Tumblr users apparently want to nail Venom:

If you can’t read the text (You can view it full-sized here but why would you do that to yourself), some of the highlights include:

And then there are Tumblr posts like this one, making the argument, “I’ve been getting a lot of shit about how ‘first it was the clown now it’s Venom’ and I have to say how could you even put Pennywise and Venom in the same league Pennywise is an incel and Venom is a raw unfiltered Chad.”

It didn’t stop there.

— Marlene! (@ilikecomicstoo) April 24, 2018

do u think Tom Hardy has read the current Venom comic where Eddie Brock looks like a Tom of Finland drawing and is canonically in a romantic relationship with the Venom symbiote.

— Gavia Baker-Whitelaw (@Hello_Tailor) April 24, 2018

Okay, look, Tumblr, we’re not friends, this isn’t a relationship, just pass me the fic about the Venom symbiote bonding with the sexy tiger backup dancer from Zootopia, and we’ll go our separate ways.

— Patrick Weekes (@PatrickWeekes) April 25, 2018

I WAKE UP AND EVERYONE'S HORNY FOR VENOM

— ✨ B A M P S ✨ (@bampshi) April 25, 2018

Don’t compare wanting to fuck venom and the fish man to wanting to fuck pennywise. Venom is built and juicy, the fish man has the tightest ass, but guess what All pennywise has is a fivehead, gtfo were here to fuck monsters, not bozo mc honk

— poison chihuahua (@ccakeyy) April 25, 2018

me: venom sexy

person: oh yeah tom hardy is really hot and-

me: pic.twitter.com/nMsFC1NcuB

— bite this onions (@oodlenoodle_) April 24, 2018

Via Twitter

Y’all need Jesus.