‘Game Of Thrones’ Death Watch: Preparing For Doom With Wine And Milk

HBO

The Game of Thrones Death Watch is a weekly roundup of who died and who looks like they might be headed for death, written by me, a person who has not read the books and will go a long, long way to make a very stupid joke. This is what we’re doing here. This is not science. Please do not yell at me.

Season 8, Episode 2 – “A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms”

No one

No one died this week, which would normally be seen as a good thing. Where it gets tricky is the feeling of doom hanging over everyone and everything with an army of Walkers marching toward Winterfell. That seems bad.

If we want to be technical, though, or at least build out this section of the post a little, we did at least hear about a death. A giant’s death. From Tormund. Who claims to have killed a giant at age 10 and then crawled into bed with the giant’s wife and grew strong by drinking giant’s milk straight from her teat. What a legend. How long could you listen to Tormund tell stories like this An hour Five hours Twenty years It’s shameful that HBO is out here developing multiple Game of Thrones spinoffs and prequels and not one person has promised me a Better Call Saul-style Tormund prequel. I’d be furious if I could think about anything other than these two screencaps.

Also dying this week, again, if we’re willing to stretch the definition a bit, was Jon’s pride, in absentia, when Sansa asked Daenerys who the other person she loved and trusted was and Daenerys replied “Someone taller.” Poor Jon. Poor dumb, tiny Jon, a secret Targaryen king and a master swordsman who inspires the loyalty of multiple warring factions and also just gets roasted to hell by his girlfriend and sister. Brutal.

Everyone

There are two kinds of death hovering over Winterfell right now. The first is the more pressing one, the one staring them down with icy blues eyes from over yonder. The Night King and his army are close enough to see the walls and that’s not great for anyone on the inside. We’re going to lose a bunch of people next week. Important people. Almost every major character not named Cersei is in there preparing for a firefight with undead frozen zombies. There’s zero chance all of them survive the battle. It’s more or less impossible to predict who will go, though, so it’s dicey to spend too much time speculating. Better to just do what the people on the show did with their last night before battle: drink some wine, sing a little song, maybe hook up with someone if the urge strikes. It’s going to get ugly next week. One of your favorites won’t make it. Prepare yourself however you need to.

This brings us to the second kind of death, the kind brought about not by bloodthirsty icicles but by scheming and jealous humans. Those that survive this battle, and presumably survive the entire war, will have plenty to sort through. Everything is kind of on hold temporarily, all the feuds and grudges (or at least most of them), but 30 seconds of peace should bring them out again. Let’s focus on those.

Jaime

The following people would be fine with seeing Jaime dead at some point:

– Daenerys, because he killed her dad

– Bran, because of the whole window pushing thing

– Tormund, because he and Brienne are close

– Cersei, because Cersei

The guy is running out of fingers to count his enemies with. Not ideal!

Bran and/or The Night King

My working theory, as someone who has not read the books and is generally not great at predicting things, is that this all ends with Bran and the Night King taking each other out in one big fireball. I’m picturing one of those scenes where they each blast lasers at each other and the lasers collide in the middle and they both try to overpower each other. I don’t know why I’m picturing that. I don’t even think either one of them does lasers. Although I didn’t know the Night King could heave a magical javelin into the sky to take down a dragon until he did it, so really, I suppose we can’t rule out lasers. Not yet, at least.

Jon, Bran, and/or Sam

Well, this was awkward. Jon, the undisputed featherweight champion of doofuses, told Daenerys his big family secret, how he has been a secret Targaryen all along but just found out, apparently without thinking for even two seconds about her reaction. This is a woman whose eyes have been on the Iron Throne as long as we’ve known her. She doesn’t take kindly to challengers. Or anyone who gets in her way, for that matter. Want an idea of how focused she is Think about this: Her boyfriend, a man she has had sex with at least once, just told her they are related by blood and her first thought was about the Iron Throne.

Now, do I think she will, say, have Bran and Sam killed and maybe Jon, too, depending on his next moves, as a way to bury the secret forever and preserve her line to the throne I do not. But she could. You saw her face. The lady did not take the news too well! And, again, not for the incest reasons!

Everyone has a lot to think about.

Sansa

Sansa and Daenerys bonded for about 30 seconds over being powerful women and roasting Jon. That was nice. Then it all went to heck when Sansa said that, no, thanks for the kind words, but she will not be bending the knee. Remember what happened to other leaders of other houses who refused to bend the knee Sam does. Because they were his dad and brother. “Were” being the important word there. Past tense, dragons, fire, etc.

So that’s floating about, too. It’s on the back burner for now because there are more pressing, undead problems to deal with, but it is simmering and threatening to come to a full boil. All due respect to Sansa, who has been through a ton and came out of it stronger than Valyrian steel, but she does not have flying mythical beasts on her side, so that’s why it’s her name in bold for this blurb instead of Dany’s. Those are the breaks, kid.

Anyone in the way of Arya’s daggers

Big fan of goth Arya. I hope next episode opens with her smoking a clove cigarette.