The ‘Once Daily Jardiance’ Commercials Are Making Me Lose My Mind

UPDATE: THEY MADE A NEW COMMERCIAL WITH A NEW LADY AND SOMEHOW MADE IT EVEN MORE CONFUSING

HELP

SOMEONE

SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME

THE JARDIANCE COMMERCIAL IS DRIVING ME INSANE

YOU KNOW THE ONE

THIS ONE

WITH THE SINGING LADY

I HAD BEEN DOING SO WELL

KIND OF

THE SONG HADN’T BEEN IN MY HEAD FOR MONTHS

PROBABLY BECAUSE I WASN’T WATCHING MUCH LIVE TV

BUT THEN FOOTBALL SEASON STARTED

AND BASEBALL STARTED SCREAMING TOWARD THE PLAYOFFS

AND NOW I’M SEEING A LOT OF COMMERCIALS AGAIN

AND, YUP, THERE IT IS

AGAIN

LOOK AT THESE MANIACS

JUST RUNNING AROUND THEIR LITTLE DOWNTOWN DOING CHOREOGRAPHY

AND SINGING A SONG ABOUT DIABETES MEDICINE

IMAGINE YOU WAKE UP AFTER A ROUGH NIGHT OF SLEEP

LET’S SAY YOU HAVE A CRANKY BABY WHO CRIES A LOT

AND YOU HAVE THIRTY MINUTES BEFORE YOUR ALARM GOES OFF

AND SUDDENLY

OUT YOUR WINDOW

YOU HEAR

THE WHOLE TOWN DOING A MUSICAL NUMBER ABOUT DIABETES MEDICINE

WOULD YOU SCREAM AND/OR THROW THINGS

I WOULD

WHY IS THE MAILMAN TELLING ME ABOUT PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION

HE’S NOT A DOCTOR

NO OFFENSE TO MAILMEN

IT’S AN IMPORTANT JOB

BUT IT’S NOT LIKE YOU SEE YOUR MAILMAN OUTSIDE AND ARE LIKE “HOLD ON, HONEY, MAIL’S COMING AND I NEED TO HAVE SOMEONE LOOK AT THIS MOLE”

IT’S MADNESS

THAT MOLE COULD BE CANCEROUS

GO SEE YOUR DOCTOR, JEFF

HEY, SPEAKING OF MADNESS

DID YOU KNOW THERE’S A SECOND VERSION OF THIS COMMERCIAL

IT’S ALMOST EXACTLY THE SAME

THERE ARE ONLY TWO BIG DIFFERENCES

ONE IS THAT THE LADY STARTS OUT ON A BUS INSTEAD OF A STOOP

WHICH IS FINE

BUT THE OTHER IS…

HOLD ON

HOLLLLLLLD ON

WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE

DOES THE MAILMAN HAVE A SIDE-HUSTLE SELLING PRODUCE ON THE SIDEWALK

DO… DO MAILMEN NOT GET PAID WELL ENOUGH TO GET BY WITHOUT A SECOND JOB

WHO IS DELIVERING THE MAIL IF THE MAILMAN IS SELLING… LEMONS, APPARENTLY

OR… WAIT

IS THIS ONE ON A SATURDAY OR SUNDAY

OR DOES THE MAILMAN HAVE A TWIN BROTHER WHO HAS THE SAME MUSTACHE AND SELLS FRESH PRODUCE IN THE TOWN SQUARE

AND, EITHER WAY, THE SAME RULES APPLY ABOUT GOING TO SEE YOUR DOCTOR FOR ACTUAL MEDICAL ADVICE

“JEFF, DID YOU GET LEMONS WHILE YOU WERE OUT”

“YES, AND THE FRUIT GUY SAYS I NEED AN MRI ON MY KNEE.”

FREAKING JEFF

COME ON, GUY

WAIT

HOLD ON

WAIT

WHAT

WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE

IS THE COMMERCIAL FOR THE DIABETES MEDICINE ALSO

LIKE

A BEHIND-THE-SCENES DOCUMENTARY ABOUT THE MAKING OF THE COMMERCIAL ABOUT THE DIABETES MEDICINE

WHICH VERSION HAD WE BEEN WATCHING UNTIL THIS POINT

THE MUSICAL OR THE MAKING OF THE MUSICAL

WHAT KIND OF HELL SPIRAL ARE WE IN HERE

DO YOU SEE

DO YOU SEE WHY I’VE BEEN TYPING IN CAPS THIS WHOLE TIME

WHO IS IN CHARGE HERE

WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS

SOMEONE ANSWER ME

SERIOUSLY

SOMEONE EMAIL ME TO EXPLAIN THIS

IS THE WARDROBE LADY ALSO AN ACTRESS OR IS SHE, LIKE, THE REAL WARDROBE LADY

THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH THOUGHT WENT INTO THIS

ARE THERE TWO FULL CAMERA CREWS THERE

ONE TO FILM THE DANCING AND ONE TO FILM THE PEOPLE FILMING THE DANCING

WHAT KIND OF 19-YEAR-OLD NYU FILM MAJOR STUFF IS THIS

SETTLE DOWN, MARKETING PEOPLE

SAYS THE GUY 600 WORDS INTO AN ALL-CAPS RANT ABOUT IT

BUT STILL

YOU STARTED IT

HEY

WANT A FUN LIKE VISUAL FOR YOURSELF

ASSUME THE HAIR AND MAKEUP PEOPLE IN THIS SCREENCAP ARE ACTORS

NOT THE PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY DID THIS LADY’S HAIR AND MAKEUP

OKAY

WITH ME SO FAR

NOW PICTURE THE ACTUAL HAIR AND MAKEUP PEOPLE

STANDING LIKE 40 FEET AWAY

JUST BEHIND THE CAMERAS

ABSOLUTELY FUMING THAT THEY DIDN’T GET CAST AS THE HAIR AND MAKEUP PEOPLE IN THE BEHIND-THE-SCENES SEGMENT OF THE COMMERCIAL FOR THE DIABETES MEDICINE

“WE COULDN’T HAVE DONE THAT”

“SHE’S NOT EVEN HOLDING THE DRYER RIGHT!”

“THAT MAN BETTER NOT TOUCH HER HAIR”

“I WORKED HARD ON THAT”

“I DON’T KNOW WHO HE THINKS HE IS”

“WITH HIS LITTLE ‘I’M THE PRESIDENT FROM INDEPENDENCE DAY’ FACE”

AND SO ON

SHOW ME THAT BEHIND-THE-SCENES FOOTAGE

GIVE THEM A WHOLE PODCAST

I AM BARELY JOKING

I PROMISE I AM ALMOST DONE

FOR MY SAKE AS WELL AS YOURS

I DON’T EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHAT MY BLOOD PRESSURE IS RIGHT NOW

THAT’S WHAT THIS COMMERCIAL SHOULD BE FOR

BLOOD PRESSURE MEDICINE

BUT ANYWAY

ONE LAST THING

WHAT’S WITH LINE IN THIS SONG ABOUT IT BEING “THE LITTLE PILL WITH A BIG STORY TO TELL”

DON’T ALL LITTLE PILLS HAVE BIG STORIES TO TELL

I MEAN, IDEALLY

ENTIRE TOWNS USED TO BE WIPED OUT BY INFECTIONS

BUT THEN WE INVENTED ANTIBIOTICS

AMOXICILLIN

THERE’S A LITTLE PILL WITH A BIG STORY TO TELL

OXYCONTIN

THAT ONE, TOO

I MEAN, THAT ONE ISN’T A HAPPY STORY

BUT IT’S A PRETTY BIG ONE

I’M SORRY

I’LL STOP

IT’S JUST

LIKE

COME ON

OKAY

…

…

IT’S FINE

…

…

I’M FINE

…

…

…

I SAID I’M FINE