Everyone Has The Same Guess For The ‘Very Important Person’ That Donald Trump Plans To Pardon

President Donald Trump said on Monday that he plans to pardon a “very, very important person” today, leading to much speculation about who those VVIP (not as catchy as MVP, tbh) could be. Did I say “much speculation” I meant, “Everyone thinks it’s the same person.” We know it’s not National Security advisor Michael Flynn and whistleblower Edward Snowden, as Trump personally ruled them out, and his previous pardons include far-right stooge Dinesh D’Souza and former-United States Army First Lieutenant Michael Behenna, who was convicted of war crimes. So, who could it be

If you finally (blissfully) forgot about Tiger King, I’m sorry.

— Leif Skodnick (@LeifSkodnick) August 18, 2020

Back in April, Trump was asked whether he would pardon Joe Exotic, the Tiger King subject who is serving a 22-year sentence in prison for “various crimes of animal abuse and attempted murder for hire.” Trump replied, “I don’t know. I know nothing about it. He has 22 years for what What did he do” It’s the most honest thing he’s said at president. Exotic, real name Joseph Allen Maldonado-Passage, later wrote a letter asking to be pardoned. “Let’s hope President Trump will… make this right and grant me a pardon,” it reads. “Keep my story alive and be my voice. Keep asking for that pardon.”

We’ll see if he got his wish today (UPDATE: he didn’t; it was Susan B. Anthony).

— Dan Primack (@danprimack) August 18, 2020

Would anybody actually be shocked if Trump pardoned Joe Exotic Like would that actually surprise you in 2020 pic.twitter.com/iqBJRlDkrP