Sorry, Kermit, But Rowlf Is The Best Muppet Of All Time

The Muppet Show is now available on Disney+, so if you’ve ever wanted to see Elton John sing “Crocodile Rock” with a bunch of crocodiles, I would suggest signing up immediately. It’s five seasons of silly chaos, with slapstick humor, celebrity guests, and Statler and Waldorf absolutely roasting Fozzie. The Muppet Show making its way onto Disney’s streaming service has also, unfortunately, inspired ever-dreaded #discourse about cancel culture and the left wanting to “destroy” Kermit, or whatever. It’s exhausting and ought to be avoided at all costs — the Muppets should unite us, not tear us apart.

There’s only one acceptable Muppets debate and that’s: which Muppet is the best Muppet Actually, it’s not even a debate, because with all due respect to Kermit, Miss Piggy, Lew Zealand, Rizzo (he might be #1 if he had a better restaurant), Uncle Deadly, and Scooter (lol no one respects Scooter), the answer is Rowlf. Let me explain why.

1. Kermit is the most well-known Muppet, but he wasn’t the first Muppet to “reach national stardom.” That honor belongs to Rowlf, who made his debut in a 1962 dog food commercial (Hugh Grant would be proud) before appearing weekly on The Jimmy Dean Show as the host’s “ol’ buddy.” Here he is meeting Lassie (“May I hold your paw”), rehearsing his own spin-off show, and wearing a Santa beard and singing a sincere cover of “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.” If you can make it through that without crying, well, you can’t. It’s impossible. Rowlf was a sensation, receiving thousands of fan letters every week, and it’s easy to see why in the clips from the variety series that are online: he was witty, charismatic, and playful. He was (and is) a Very Good Boy.

2. But he could also be a wise-cracking son of a bitch. Literally.

The Muppets are a family-friendly Disney brand now, but don’t forget, Jim Henson, who performed Rowlf until his death in 1990, was a “naughty troublemaker” at heart, a subversive rascal who made things like The Muppet Show: Sex and Violence and The Land of Gorch, the bawdy recurring sketch during the first season of Saturday Night Live that the show’s writers famously hated. Not unlike Wu-Tang Clan, the Muppets are for the children, but they have also always been for the adults, too. Rowlf has thrived in both worlds, something most of his fellow Muppets aren’t able to. Can you imagine Kermit the Frog ever saying the word “bitch,” like Rowlf did on The Arsenio Hall Show (Volume on to hear the dog pound lose their freaking minds.) I can’t, and frankly, I don’t want to.